I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize