i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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