u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
