I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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