I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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