You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
