woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
