He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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