you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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