i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
