I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
