Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
