butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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