every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
