No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
