I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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