I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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