I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
