3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
