I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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