At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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