Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
