I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
