good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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