i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
