so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
