i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
