Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
