Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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