So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
