Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
