My nipple is on Facebook.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
