apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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