they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
