Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
