kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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