Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize