I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
