you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
