I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
