My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize