someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
