So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
