she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
