Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
