this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
