If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
