Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
