apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
