Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
