My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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