What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
