Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
