He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
