Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
