Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
