So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
