if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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