Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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