He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
