I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We need to get me chipped asap
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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