"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
