Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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