OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
