Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
