Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
