I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
