The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
