Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
