Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
