the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
