I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
