Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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