Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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