bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
