i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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