when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
