is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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