happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
