And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
