Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize