wrigley field is MILF paradise
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
